August 30th 2005, 1245B
This likely isn’t going to be a long post as the genny is off & this battery doesn’t last as long as it used to. There also isn’t much news as it’s been pretty quiet here the last few days, but it’s become habit now to type something up for this on a regular basis & I feel weird if I don’t lol
Anyway, it’s been a fairly pleasant day, the weather has been beautiful, & again I’ve spent a fair amount of it either behind a lens or playing with photographs in Photoshop. Mostly Photoshop, come to think of it.
That’s been pretty much the story for the last few days actually – take a few pictures & then spend the next couple of hours playing around with them. Mostly it’s been a learning curve thing, as I’ve been going through some of the photography books I’ve got on the pc, particularly on the editing side of things. This is where the “Time on My Hands” title comes in, as in too much time. I’m finding that whereas before I’d spend maybe 5 or 10 minutes on a picture in Photoshop, & be happy with the result, I’m now spending up to an hour on a file and I’ll still go back to it after I’ve read something new & also try that. I think I’ve reached the point where I’m over-editing the images, but can’t help but keep trying things out & it’s getting bloody ridiculous now :P
I’m getting a better idea of what I’m doing though, & my post-processing skills have certainly improved though I’d hardly consider that much of an achievement seeing as how basic they were to start with lol
One area where I’ve noticed a fair improvement is RAW processing. I’ve tried shooting RAW a few times now, but till now I’ve never been happy with the results & have quickly gone back to using in-camera JPG’s. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve changed a setting on the camera or something, but even the RAW files direct from the camera seem better now than I remember them being before, never mind after I’ve played with them some in software. You can’t fit half as many files on a card when you shoot RAW, but the increase in image quality is significant, & I don’t think I’ll be going back to JPG after this. I can see myself buying at least one 1Gb CF card, but I’ll see how I manage with the cards I have already before I buy more.
I’m going to carry on trying to learn by myself in the meantime, but something I want to do when I get home is sit down with Ash or Shirley & get them to give me a decent education in photo editing. I’m making little baby steps on my own right now, but mostly I’m just doing things because the book tells me to, not because I understand properly why or when I should use a particular tool. This is a large part of where my idea that I’m over-editing comes in, now that I think about it.
Still on the subject of photography, something I really want to do is get my hands on that 500mm lens I spoke about a few posts ago, even if getting it here in one piece is going to be tricky. A fair number of the photographs I’ve taken so far have suffered because I’ve had to crop them quite a bit, in particular the shots I’ve taken of the locals. The moment you point a camera in their direction they go shy – I had two women literally run from me this morning, & the camera wasn’t even in my hands at the time – so you end up taking photos from a fair distance away. Chances are that I’m going to end up spending a fair lump of cash on the lens though, as I want to get one that’s image stabilised, something that’s pretty much a requirement on a lens that long. Here’s hoping that there’s some substance to the rumour that our allowances are due for an increase then :P
Anyway, enough of photography & my experiments with Adobe products. Otherwise there’s not been much else going on, from my side anyway. The new platoon that’s here is certainly busy enough, & they’re embarking on a major facelift to the base, & also an increase in the operational tempo. Pretty much till now everyone has just sat around in the base & enjoyed the view down the valley, but the new unit seems to be taking things seriously & intends to do a good job of it while they’re here. It’s actually refreshing & encouraging to see soldiers doing things the “right way” for a change – proper immediate actions drills, proper security & base defence, and so on. They’re actually doing all those painful & nasty chores that need doing, and will keep you alive when the shit hits the fan, but nobody every really bothers with. At this particular camp it’s going to make a significant difference – we’re at the top of a hill, in the open, & a long way from support. While defensive sandbag redoubts had been built previously, they’re definitely showing their age. If someone decided at some point, for what ever reason, to revv this camp we’d be in deep shit as things stand, particularly if they used mortars. That looks to be changing over the next few days, & the refreshing & encouraging part things is that these changes aren’t as a result of an increased alert status or anything, but rather because that’s how things are supposed to be as a standard. One down side to these guys doing things the “right way” is that my days of shorts & t-shirt are now effectively over & there are a few other changes to the routine which will take some getting used to, but I’m sure I’ll survive :P
In addition to industrious, the personnel I’ve had anything to do with so far seem pleasant enough & I’m comfortable working with this unit. Which is a good thing really, as I still don’t know when I’ll be rotating back to Bujumbura. The newest info is that we – the medics - should be relieved either tomorrow, or by Thursday at least, but there’s nothing definite about that. That’s something I’d like to know, for as much as I enjoy it here in Mwaro & far prefer it to the capital, I’ve been here very nearly a month now & a little bit of a break would go down well at this point. I’m quite happy to come back after say a week, but a change in scenery would be appreciated right now.
I’ve still not had it confirmed that I’ll be staying with the UN mission when I rotate either, & that’s one piece of info which I’d dearly like to have confirmation of. The last news I had was encouraging, but I long ago learned not to rely on rumours, or even official info – when something actually happens, then I believe what I’ve been told.
That’s about it for the last few days though so I’m going to end off here. Besides, I also just stuffed myself at lunch & I’m feeling the need for a nap :P
Till next time ;)
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Another Update
August 27th 2005, 1645B
I’ve had a pretty good day today, & have quite enjoyed myself taking loads of photos. The new platoon that arrived yesterday has been involved in a major clean up & re-organisation of the camp. & one thing they’ve done is get rid of all the excess rations that were lying around the pantry tent. Instead of handing it back to the ration store in the capital they decided to let the local refugees know they could come & get some extra food in exchange for firewood & charcoal. There must have been about 500 or so that pitched up this morning & for once they didn’t all run away when I pointed a camera at them – the Burundians tend towards the shy unfortunately. I think I took about 150 pictures all told, & picked out about 20 or so that I think are the best of the bunch.
As soon as I get the chance to spend an hour or two on the net connected PC back in Bujumbura, I’ll be uploading them to a site that a friend of mine runs, a guy called Brendon Urwin who served with me in ‘Martizburg. The address for the site is www.travelgallery.co.uk, & it’s a collection of galleries from a number of places around the world – SA, Egypt, Thailand, Italy & a few others. I’d urge you to have a look at the site if you’re interested in this kind of photography, as there’s some good stuff there – this is what you call a “shameless plug”, btw ;) If I’m not mistaken there’s a section for links at the side of the page here on blogspot, so I’ll put a permanent link to it there when next I get chance to update this thing.
I’ve got a fair number of photos, about 40 so far, that I want to upload to the site & it’s getting frustrating that I’ve not had chance as yet to do so, but I’ll make a plan when I’m back in the capital. The IT department was working on the internet link so it was down the last time I was there, but hopefully they’ve increased the connection speed as you really don’t want to know how slow it was. If they have widened the pipe then I’ll try to also post a few photos here, but otherwise there’s very little chance that I’ll have time to duplicate uploads unfortunately.
Speaking of going back to the capital, the other medic that’s here with me went in yesterday. While he was there he had a chat with our new boss, & from what he says it seems quite likely that I will be staying with the UN mission for the remainder of the deployment, which I’m very pleased about. Assuming it’s true, or that things don’t change again of course :P
As I’ve said previously that means I’ll be working out in the field as opposed to in town, so communication with everyone at home isn’t going to be too frequent, but I really think I’ll be far happier working away from town. I’ll still spend some time in the capital, & I’ll have good comms then, but that’s going to depend on the rotation schedule. I’ll let everyone know as soon as I have definite info myself.
Otherwise there’s no news really – same shit, different day & so on. One thing’s for certain though, & that’s that I spend far too much time in this chair, as my back is seriously killing me. The damned tent is on a slope, so whenever I sit in front of the pc I’m at a permanent angle, & it’s finally caught up with me. It’s that annoying kind of back pain, where you’re fine when you’re sitting or standing, but those two seconds in between hurt like a bitch. I’m going through brufen like bloody smarties at the moment, but it seems to be getting better at least.
Anyway, that’s about it for now so I’ll be saying cheers for now. Till next time then ;)
I’ve had a pretty good day today, & have quite enjoyed myself taking loads of photos. The new platoon that arrived yesterday has been involved in a major clean up & re-organisation of the camp. & one thing they’ve done is get rid of all the excess rations that were lying around the pantry tent. Instead of handing it back to the ration store in the capital they decided to let the local refugees know they could come & get some extra food in exchange for firewood & charcoal. There must have been about 500 or so that pitched up this morning & for once they didn’t all run away when I pointed a camera at them – the Burundians tend towards the shy unfortunately. I think I took about 150 pictures all told, & picked out about 20 or so that I think are the best of the bunch.
As soon as I get the chance to spend an hour or two on the net connected PC back in Bujumbura, I’ll be uploading them to a site that a friend of mine runs, a guy called Brendon Urwin who served with me in ‘Martizburg. The address for the site is www.travelgallery.co.uk, & it’s a collection of galleries from a number of places around the world – SA, Egypt, Thailand, Italy & a few others. I’d urge you to have a look at the site if you’re interested in this kind of photography, as there’s some good stuff there – this is what you call a “shameless plug”, btw ;) If I’m not mistaken there’s a section for links at the side of the page here on blogspot, so I’ll put a permanent link to it there when next I get chance to update this thing.
I’ve got a fair number of photos, about 40 so far, that I want to upload to the site & it’s getting frustrating that I’ve not had chance as yet to do so, but I’ll make a plan when I’m back in the capital. The IT department was working on the internet link so it was down the last time I was there, but hopefully they’ve increased the connection speed as you really don’t want to know how slow it was. If they have widened the pipe then I’ll try to also post a few photos here, but otherwise there’s very little chance that I’ll have time to duplicate uploads unfortunately.
Speaking of going back to the capital, the other medic that’s here with me went in yesterday. While he was there he had a chat with our new boss, & from what he says it seems quite likely that I will be staying with the UN mission for the remainder of the deployment, which I’m very pleased about. Assuming it’s true, or that things don’t change again of course :P
As I’ve said previously that means I’ll be working out in the field as opposed to in town, so communication with everyone at home isn’t going to be too frequent, but I really think I’ll be far happier working away from town. I’ll still spend some time in the capital, & I’ll have good comms then, but that’s going to depend on the rotation schedule. I’ll let everyone know as soon as I have definite info myself.
Otherwise there’s no news really – same shit, different day & so on. One thing’s for certain though, & that’s that I spend far too much time in this chair, as my back is seriously killing me. The damned tent is on a slope, so whenever I sit in front of the pc I’m at a permanent angle, & it’s finally caught up with me. It’s that annoying kind of back pain, where you’re fine when you’re sitting or standing, but those two seconds in between hurt like a bitch. I’m going through brufen like bloody smarties at the moment, but it seems to be getting better at least.
Anyway, that’s about it for now so I’ll be saying cheers for now. Till next time then ;)
“Insomnia & the Hole in the Universe…”
August 25th 2005, 0315B
Whenever I think of something to call these posts, I usually try to come up with a song title or lyric that fits, & failing that I suck something out of my thumb. For this one at least, the first part of the title – it’s a song by Live, by the way - is eminently suitable as I’ve been awake for must be going on an hour now & have given up on going back to sleep. The “Hole in the Universe” part I’m not too sure of, but the “Insomnia” bit certainly meets the requirements.
It’s been a funny few days since I last typed anything for this, & I can’t quite make up my mind how I should feel about them. I know that being awake right now is not conducive towards a cheerful disposition - regardless of the amount of coffee I drink, or cigarettes I smoke, I am not a happy person in the mornings. It comes from not waking up next to Kate Beckinsale, is my best guess.
This insomnia is weird, especially considering that I’m taking sleeping tablets for it, & have been doing for 2 weeks now. Usually the immovaine sorts me out inside 3 days, tops, & I can stop taking them, but this time I’ve taken them for two solid weeks & I’m still not sleeping properly. I’m sleeping better than I did before I started, but I’m only getting 5-6 hours kip a night lately & it’s the rare morning I’m not awake at around 0300 – 0400. I’ve always been something of an early riser, and it used to drive Ash nuts that I was up & about before 0700 on a Sunday, but this is getting out of hand now. Something else to blame on the mefliam, perhaps? I guess that there could well be an interaction between the two that reduces the efficiency of the immovaine, but the insomnia is a known side-effect of the mefliam, & immovaine is the drug of choice to treat it. If there was an interaction which made the immovaine ineffective then you’d think they’d prescribe something else.
It’s more of an irritation than anything & I can manage happily on 6 hours sleep a night, but I’ll chat with the doc about it the next time I go into Bujumbura.
So far as the rest of the week has gone, it’s could have been better but my sense of humour has survived relatively intact at least.
I went into Bujumbura on Monday, again to collect that cash in hand allowance I’ve spoken about, & once again it turned out to be a fools errand. Evidently the money was re-deposited into the holding account when I didn’t collect it on Friday, & there’s a chance I’m never going to see it now.
You know, I’m not even too aggravated about not getting the money. It is annoying to be sure, but it’s hardly enough to be worth getting upset over & there’s still a small chance that I can get it next month, but I’m not going to hold my breath.
What I do resent and find offensive about this is the stupid & unnecessary waste involved, of my time & your tax money. Stupid, unnecessary, & easily preventable waste. It costs a shit load of money – how much do you think it takes in diesel & running costs to move an 18 ton armoured vehicle? – for me to travel to the capital & back from here, and all it would have taken was a simple fucking phone call, on an internal line at no cost, to find out it wasn’t necessary. I can’t give you the exact cost, but I can guarantee it was far greater than the stupid $40 I was supposed to receive. And I’ve done this trip twice now, to no result. And that, ladies & gentlemen, was your tax money being pissed away because of poor management. And that’s on top of the 5 hours it takes me to drive there & back. Actually, the time involved is a minor consideration for me, as these otherwise pointless trips meant that I got out of the base for awhile, the scenery changed a bit, & I had the chance to make a few phone calls and so on. But I can’t help but think you didn’t get your moneys’ worth out of me on either of those days.
Something else that’s starting to really get on my tits is the “gimme, gimme” attitude I see in so many of the locals as I drive along the roads. Every second one it seems stands there, hand thrust out with an expression on their face that has very little to do with asking & a lot to do with demanding. Well, fuck ‘em. I’m already here, not by what I could describe as choice, a long way from home, from my friends & family, from my responsibilities, from my life, for the next 5 months at least. And these ill-mannered bastards want the little money I have in my pocket to go along with that? And don’t even have the courtesy to ask me nicely? I don’t bloody think so.
This is a poor country, & it’s hard some really hard breaks, so I fully believe in and support the mission we are here to carry out. I will do the job I am here to do to the best of my ability, & will hopefully in some small way contribute towards this getting country back on its own two feet again. This I will do as a South African soldier, as directed by those in lawful authority over me. As an individual I, Ian Sankey, will give these people nothing more than they already have of me, particularly when I have already paid a significant personal price to be here in the first place. And certainly not if they don’t ask me very nicely. Rude bastards.
Actually, don’t mind me. It’s just early & I’m cranky because I’ve not yet reached the requisite blood levels for caffeine or nicotine, and despite my sometimes… “uncomplicated” demeanour I actually set great store by manners.
In terms of getting things right while I was in town, I did get to speak to the incoming Medical Task Group Commander, a Lt Col Paul Munday. I’ve met him a few times in over the last few years, & I know he’s a decent guy & a pretty sharp officer so I’m looking forward to working with him. I got chance to speak with him about staying with the UN mission rather than moving across to the AU side of things when I eventually return to Bujumbura, & he seemed receptive enough to the idea. It’s not his decision to make though unfortunately, but he at least knows now & can pass that along to the people who do make the call. If this works out as I’d like it’ll mean that I’ll be out in the bushes for two weeks at a time, away from my means of communication with everyone at home, but as I’ve said previously I think I’ll survive this deployment a lot better if I don’t stay in Bujumbura the whole time. The colonel also had a rather disturbing rumour to pass along, a very likely sounding rumour, which is the main reason for my uncertain mood at the moment, but I’m going to wait awhile & see what happens before I say anything more about that. It’s one of those “good news, bad news” kind of things, & it’s going to be interesting to see what comes of it.
Speaking of communication with home, the phone was operating at its usual high standard of efficiency, so I didn’t get to speak with too many people, just Rob & Ash this time. If you’ve not heard from me much, or at all since I got here, please don’t think it’s because I’ve not tried, ok? :P
Rob I mainly got in touch with so that he could do my banking & some shopping for me – mostly stuff like toiletries, a new pair of plakkies, & a new camera / laptop bag – and the line was crap so we didn’t really get to chat. The call I made to Ash went well, at least in being able to hear each other, but it sounds like she’s not having a whole lot of fun right now, & I really hope that changes for her soon.
One person I didn’t get to speak to was my old lady, & that’s something I need to remedy soon. I’ve only spoken to her once since I got here, & I know she’s not going to be happy about that. I’m hardly what you could describe as being “family oriented”, but I’m sure she’d appreciate hearing from me every now & again. I’d give her the link to this blog so that she could keep up to date, only she’s about as computer literate as a dead seagull, & I probably swear too much for her peace of mind anyway :P Then again, that’s just how she knows me & I guess my sister could help her with the computer side of things. Assuming I can ever get this off the hard drive & onto the net that is, seeing as the internet link was down in Bujumbura when I was there, so I didn’t get to check my mail or update the blog. I’ve got something like 8 A4 pages worth of updates typed up as of now, & I don’t know when next I’ll get to a net connection so the next update is likely going to be a big bastard :P
Getting a local sim card for my mobile would make keeping in touch a lot easier I’ll admit, but I never seem to get chance to buy one on the days I go into town. One of the nursing sisters I got to know said that I could have hers when she left, but I didn’t get to see her for her to let me have it before she left to go home, which is a pity.
Anyway, I’m starting to feel a little droopy-eyed again, & I’m hoping I’ll be able to get a little more sleep this morning still so I’m back off to bed.
I’ll catch up with you all again soon ;)
Whenever I think of something to call these posts, I usually try to come up with a song title or lyric that fits, & failing that I suck something out of my thumb. For this one at least, the first part of the title – it’s a song by Live, by the way - is eminently suitable as I’ve been awake for must be going on an hour now & have given up on going back to sleep. The “Hole in the Universe” part I’m not too sure of, but the “Insomnia” bit certainly meets the requirements.
It’s been a funny few days since I last typed anything for this, & I can’t quite make up my mind how I should feel about them. I know that being awake right now is not conducive towards a cheerful disposition - regardless of the amount of coffee I drink, or cigarettes I smoke, I am not a happy person in the mornings. It comes from not waking up next to Kate Beckinsale, is my best guess.
This insomnia is weird, especially considering that I’m taking sleeping tablets for it, & have been doing for 2 weeks now. Usually the immovaine sorts me out inside 3 days, tops, & I can stop taking them, but this time I’ve taken them for two solid weeks & I’m still not sleeping properly. I’m sleeping better than I did before I started, but I’m only getting 5-6 hours kip a night lately & it’s the rare morning I’m not awake at around 0300 – 0400. I’ve always been something of an early riser, and it used to drive Ash nuts that I was up & about before 0700 on a Sunday, but this is getting out of hand now. Something else to blame on the mefliam, perhaps? I guess that there could well be an interaction between the two that reduces the efficiency of the immovaine, but the insomnia is a known side-effect of the mefliam, & immovaine is the drug of choice to treat it. If there was an interaction which made the immovaine ineffective then you’d think they’d prescribe something else.
It’s more of an irritation than anything & I can manage happily on 6 hours sleep a night, but I’ll chat with the doc about it the next time I go into Bujumbura.
So far as the rest of the week has gone, it’s could have been better but my sense of humour has survived relatively intact at least.
I went into Bujumbura on Monday, again to collect that cash in hand allowance I’ve spoken about, & once again it turned out to be a fools errand. Evidently the money was re-deposited into the holding account when I didn’t collect it on Friday, & there’s a chance I’m never going to see it now.
You know, I’m not even too aggravated about not getting the money. It is annoying to be sure, but it’s hardly enough to be worth getting upset over & there’s still a small chance that I can get it next month, but I’m not going to hold my breath.
What I do resent and find offensive about this is the stupid & unnecessary waste involved, of my time & your tax money. Stupid, unnecessary, & easily preventable waste. It costs a shit load of money – how much do you think it takes in diesel & running costs to move an 18 ton armoured vehicle? – for me to travel to the capital & back from here, and all it would have taken was a simple fucking phone call, on an internal line at no cost, to find out it wasn’t necessary. I can’t give you the exact cost, but I can guarantee it was far greater than the stupid $40 I was supposed to receive. And I’ve done this trip twice now, to no result. And that, ladies & gentlemen, was your tax money being pissed away because of poor management. And that’s on top of the 5 hours it takes me to drive there & back. Actually, the time involved is a minor consideration for me, as these otherwise pointless trips meant that I got out of the base for awhile, the scenery changed a bit, & I had the chance to make a few phone calls and so on. But I can’t help but think you didn’t get your moneys’ worth out of me on either of those days.
Something else that’s starting to really get on my tits is the “gimme, gimme” attitude I see in so many of the locals as I drive along the roads. Every second one it seems stands there, hand thrust out with an expression on their face that has very little to do with asking & a lot to do with demanding. Well, fuck ‘em. I’m already here, not by what I could describe as choice, a long way from home, from my friends & family, from my responsibilities, from my life, for the next 5 months at least. And these ill-mannered bastards want the little money I have in my pocket to go along with that? And don’t even have the courtesy to ask me nicely? I don’t bloody think so.
This is a poor country, & it’s hard some really hard breaks, so I fully believe in and support the mission we are here to carry out. I will do the job I am here to do to the best of my ability, & will hopefully in some small way contribute towards this getting country back on its own two feet again. This I will do as a South African soldier, as directed by those in lawful authority over me. As an individual I, Ian Sankey, will give these people nothing more than they already have of me, particularly when I have already paid a significant personal price to be here in the first place. And certainly not if they don’t ask me very nicely. Rude bastards.
Actually, don’t mind me. It’s just early & I’m cranky because I’ve not yet reached the requisite blood levels for caffeine or nicotine, and despite my sometimes… “uncomplicated” demeanour I actually set great store by manners.
In terms of getting things right while I was in town, I did get to speak to the incoming Medical Task Group Commander, a Lt Col Paul Munday. I’ve met him a few times in over the last few years, & I know he’s a decent guy & a pretty sharp officer so I’m looking forward to working with him. I got chance to speak with him about staying with the UN mission rather than moving across to the AU side of things when I eventually return to Bujumbura, & he seemed receptive enough to the idea. It’s not his decision to make though unfortunately, but he at least knows now & can pass that along to the people who do make the call. If this works out as I’d like it’ll mean that I’ll be out in the bushes for two weeks at a time, away from my means of communication with everyone at home, but as I’ve said previously I think I’ll survive this deployment a lot better if I don’t stay in Bujumbura the whole time. The colonel also had a rather disturbing rumour to pass along, a very likely sounding rumour, which is the main reason for my uncertain mood at the moment, but I’m going to wait awhile & see what happens before I say anything more about that. It’s one of those “good news, bad news” kind of things, & it’s going to be interesting to see what comes of it.
Speaking of communication with home, the phone was operating at its usual high standard of efficiency, so I didn’t get to speak with too many people, just Rob & Ash this time. If you’ve not heard from me much, or at all since I got here, please don’t think it’s because I’ve not tried, ok? :P
Rob I mainly got in touch with so that he could do my banking & some shopping for me – mostly stuff like toiletries, a new pair of plakkies, & a new camera / laptop bag – and the line was crap so we didn’t really get to chat. The call I made to Ash went well, at least in being able to hear each other, but it sounds like she’s not having a whole lot of fun right now, & I really hope that changes for her soon.
One person I didn’t get to speak to was my old lady, & that’s something I need to remedy soon. I’ve only spoken to her once since I got here, & I know she’s not going to be happy about that. I’m hardly what you could describe as being “family oriented”, but I’m sure she’d appreciate hearing from me every now & again. I’d give her the link to this blog so that she could keep up to date, only she’s about as computer literate as a dead seagull, & I probably swear too much for her peace of mind anyway :P Then again, that’s just how she knows me & I guess my sister could help her with the computer side of things. Assuming I can ever get this off the hard drive & onto the net that is, seeing as the internet link was down in Bujumbura when I was there, so I didn’t get to check my mail or update the blog. I’ve got something like 8 A4 pages worth of updates typed up as of now, & I don’t know when next I’ll get to a net connection so the next update is likely going to be a big bastard :P
Getting a local sim card for my mobile would make keeping in touch a lot easier I’ll admit, but I never seem to get chance to buy one on the days I go into town. One of the nursing sisters I got to know said that I could have hers when she left, but I didn’t get to see her for her to let me have it before she left to go home, which is a pity.
Anyway, I’m starting to feel a little droopy-eyed again, & I’m hoping I’ll be able to get a little more sleep this morning still so I’m back off to bed.
I’ll catch up with you all again soon ;)
Why am I not surprised?
August 22nd 2005, 1855B
You have to laugh at army life. I mean, really you do, otherwise sometimes you’d have to cry. You remember how I’ve mentioned a few times previously how I was going to be rotating back to Bujumbura on this coming Wednesday or so, when the new contingent arrived? Well, about 10 minutes ago the signaller came to me with the message that there’s no relief available & that I need to stay here longer.
Which in and of itself is not a problem, & I’m actually having a quiet chuckle about this. Ok, I’ll admit there’s an element of cynicism to it – “typical army, couldn’t get laid in a brothel” etc - but it’s still a chuckle, ok? In fact I’m really quite pleased by this turn of events, as I’m happy & comfortable here, and I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned previously that I’m not keen on the idea of working in Bujumbura :P
The sad thing about this is that it’s hardly surprising at all, which is where the cynical chuckle comes in. This really is par for the course in the Defence Force & I have a fair idea that in this organisation the only time that something goes as planned is entirely by accident. In my experience it’s very rarely by design. There’s actually an “in-house” acronym that’s perfect for when this kind of thing happens : SNAFU. Situation Normal, All Fucked Up :P
Admittedly logistics is a very complicated business, but it’s not as if it wasn’t known at the mobilisation centre in Bloem how many people were needed, where they were needed, and when they needed to be there. The new contingent has been sitting at de Brug for the best part of three weeks now, doing their mobilisation, so the people who set up the pax lists for the flights knew who was available. They knew how many people they could fit on a plane. They knew how many flights would be available to transport the personnel & their equipment to the mission area. They knew who would be flying back from the mission area & when, so they knew who they needed to send to replace the returning personnel. You’d think they’d be able to prioritise, wouldn’t you? Especially seeing that at the mobilisation centre they’ve had over 5 years experience of mobilising, deploying, & de-mobilising personnel for external operations. But even so, things have once again not happened as they were supposed to.
Now don’t get me wrong here – I’m really am happy about things not going as planned, at least in this particular instance & it’s doing wonders for my disposition to know I’ll be staying longer in Mwaro. But I can tell you now, that in 5 or so months when it’s time for me to come home, there will be a similar SNAFU on the very day my flight is due to leave, & I’ll end up staying longer. And on that day I will be very un-happy, I can assure you. I’m prepared to put money on it – a modest amount, to be sure – but anyone interested in taking that bet is welcome to let me know. Be prepared to lose your money though :P
It’s exactly what happened to me last year in the Congo after all, as some of you may recall. I remember how it felt to call Ash two or three days before she expected me home, to have to tell her that I may not be coming home at all for another 6 months because there was no relief for me. I remember how it felt to phone her again a few days later when she thought I was already in the air, on the way home, to tell her it was going to be at least one more day. And I remember how unhappy at the delays I was at the time. I also remember how pissed off I was at the extra expense I incurred because I had to hire a car to get home because my transport plans went out the window because of the delay.
At least I won’t have to worry about making my girlfriend very unhappy this time, should there be a repeat performance, but it’s discouraging to be as certain as I am that there will be a screw up.
But don’t mind me – I’m just feeling cynical & disillusioned with the military. God only knows what else I’ll do, but I think that maybe the time has come for me to explore life outside of the military, at least in this country. By the look of it I’ll be discharged from service in September next year when my contract expires, because of my dual citizenship. It may be that this is just a bullshit rumour, & that my contract will be renewed for another few years regardless, but I think it may just be an idea to leave the military anyway. Employment opportunities being what they are in SA, I’ll possibly end up back in the UK, & I may look at re-enlisting there - assuming they’ll take me at my age – but I think it might be an idea to try life as a civilian for a change. I’ve been a soldier all my adult life, & the thought of doing something else is a daunting one, but also an intriguing and exciting one. Who knows, maybe I can get a job taking tasteful photographs of beautiful, naked young women. Or even a job taking smutty photographs of beautiful, naked young women – you can’t afford to limit yourself, after all lol
Otherwise there’s not much else in the way of news. The last day or so have gone quite well, & I’ve been fairly cheerful even – knowing that I’ll be avoiding Bujumbura at least a few days more has also improved my happy thoughts some :P
I’ll still be going in to the capital tomorrow though, to collect that money I was supposed to get last week. Apparently a message was radioed through last week Thursday saying we should have come in to get it on the Friday, but neither myself nor the other medic here ever heard a whisper of that. It’s not that either of us a particularly hard to find – our tent is right next to the bloody signallers here, so all they had to do was shout & we’d have heard.
It’ll be nice to get out of the camp here for a few hours though, & I always enjoy it when people give me money, assuming things go as planned this time. It’ll also be good to get to a phone to speak to a few people back home, which is something I’m really looking forward to. Hopefully I’ll also get chance check my mail, and get these last few missives off the hard drive and added to the blog where people can read them.
Anyway, I’m going to finish off here and go make some coffee, & then read awhile before I crash. Till next time ;)
You have to laugh at army life. I mean, really you do, otherwise sometimes you’d have to cry. You remember how I’ve mentioned a few times previously how I was going to be rotating back to Bujumbura on this coming Wednesday or so, when the new contingent arrived? Well, about 10 minutes ago the signaller came to me with the message that there’s no relief available & that I need to stay here longer.
Which in and of itself is not a problem, & I’m actually having a quiet chuckle about this. Ok, I’ll admit there’s an element of cynicism to it – “typical army, couldn’t get laid in a brothel” etc - but it’s still a chuckle, ok? In fact I’m really quite pleased by this turn of events, as I’m happy & comfortable here, and I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned previously that I’m not keen on the idea of working in Bujumbura :P
The sad thing about this is that it’s hardly surprising at all, which is where the cynical chuckle comes in. This really is par for the course in the Defence Force & I have a fair idea that in this organisation the only time that something goes as planned is entirely by accident. In my experience it’s very rarely by design. There’s actually an “in-house” acronym that’s perfect for when this kind of thing happens : SNAFU. Situation Normal, All Fucked Up :P
Admittedly logistics is a very complicated business, but it’s not as if it wasn’t known at the mobilisation centre in Bloem how many people were needed, where they were needed, and when they needed to be there. The new contingent has been sitting at de Brug for the best part of three weeks now, doing their mobilisation, so the people who set up the pax lists for the flights knew who was available. They knew how many people they could fit on a plane. They knew how many flights would be available to transport the personnel & their equipment to the mission area. They knew who would be flying back from the mission area & when, so they knew who they needed to send to replace the returning personnel. You’d think they’d be able to prioritise, wouldn’t you? Especially seeing that at the mobilisation centre they’ve had over 5 years experience of mobilising, deploying, & de-mobilising personnel for external operations. But even so, things have once again not happened as they were supposed to.
Now don’t get me wrong here – I’m really am happy about things not going as planned, at least in this particular instance & it’s doing wonders for my disposition to know I’ll be staying longer in Mwaro. But I can tell you now, that in 5 or so months when it’s time for me to come home, there will be a similar SNAFU on the very day my flight is due to leave, & I’ll end up staying longer. And on that day I will be very un-happy, I can assure you. I’m prepared to put money on it – a modest amount, to be sure – but anyone interested in taking that bet is welcome to let me know. Be prepared to lose your money though :P
It’s exactly what happened to me last year in the Congo after all, as some of you may recall. I remember how it felt to call Ash two or three days before she expected me home, to have to tell her that I may not be coming home at all for another 6 months because there was no relief for me. I remember how it felt to phone her again a few days later when she thought I was already in the air, on the way home, to tell her it was going to be at least one more day. And I remember how unhappy at the delays I was at the time. I also remember how pissed off I was at the extra expense I incurred because I had to hire a car to get home because my transport plans went out the window because of the delay.
At least I won’t have to worry about making my girlfriend very unhappy this time, should there be a repeat performance, but it’s discouraging to be as certain as I am that there will be a screw up.
But don’t mind me – I’m just feeling cynical & disillusioned with the military. God only knows what else I’ll do, but I think that maybe the time has come for me to explore life outside of the military, at least in this country. By the look of it I’ll be discharged from service in September next year when my contract expires, because of my dual citizenship. It may be that this is just a bullshit rumour, & that my contract will be renewed for another few years regardless, but I think it may just be an idea to leave the military anyway. Employment opportunities being what they are in SA, I’ll possibly end up back in the UK, & I may look at re-enlisting there - assuming they’ll take me at my age – but I think it might be an idea to try life as a civilian for a change. I’ve been a soldier all my adult life, & the thought of doing something else is a daunting one, but also an intriguing and exciting one. Who knows, maybe I can get a job taking tasteful photographs of beautiful, naked young women. Or even a job taking smutty photographs of beautiful, naked young women – you can’t afford to limit yourself, after all lol
Otherwise there’s not much else in the way of news. The last day or so have gone quite well, & I’ve been fairly cheerful even – knowing that I’ll be avoiding Bujumbura at least a few days more has also improved my happy thoughts some :P
I’ll still be going in to the capital tomorrow though, to collect that money I was supposed to get last week. Apparently a message was radioed through last week Thursday saying we should have come in to get it on the Friday, but neither myself nor the other medic here ever heard a whisper of that. It’s not that either of us a particularly hard to find – our tent is right next to the bloody signallers here, so all they had to do was shout & we’d have heard.
It’ll be nice to get out of the camp here for a few hours though, & I always enjoy it when people give me money, assuming things go as planned this time. It’ll also be good to get to a phone to speak to a few people back home, which is something I’m really looking forward to. Hopefully I’ll also get chance check my mail, and get these last few missives off the hard drive and added to the blog where people can read them.
Anyway, I’m going to finish off here and go make some coffee, & then read awhile before I crash. Till next time ;)
And this weeks Darwin Award goes to…..
August 20th 2005, 0840B
Now this is why I trained as a medic, and not as an electrician…
The platoon that’s stationed here at Mwaro is packing up & leaving for Bujumbura today, so that they can fly home on Monday – lucky bastards :P
Anyway, with them packing up the guy I was running a lead from so that I have power in my tent has packed away the lead he was using, so I had to make another plan for juice till I leave myself on Wednesday or so. So what I do is get the length of extra flex that the other guy had extended his lead with, & spliced it to my extension cable. All is good so far, but now comes the tricky part – splicing the flex to a line that’s carrying current. There’s a fridge in the one tent that’s running off a dv box from the generator, so I figure I’ll patch the cable in there by wrapping the wires on the end of the flex around the live & neutral pins of the plug the fridge runs off. There’s nothing wrong with this plan as it stands, as that was how the power was running till now anyway – all we’ve done is take one length of cable out of the chain. So I’m sitting there at the dv box, and to make sure it’s safe I’ve pulled out both the plug that leads into the box and the plug that leads from it to the fridge. But then one of the troops asks me for a light for his cigarette, so I put down the wires & plug I was holding, turned around & lit his smoke for him, and then picked everything up again.
You can see where this is going, can’t you?
Yep, about 3 seconds after I start wrapping the wires around the plug I think to check that I haven’t picked up the plug that’s carrying a live current instead of the inert one running to the fridge unit. As soon I thought to check that I’ve not made a mistake, it become readily apparent that I had in fact picked up the live wire…
All I can say is that I’m very happy the power comes from a generator, and not from mains, ‘cause otherwise the voltage I suddenly found running through my fingers would have been somewhat higher. Even so it hurt too damn much to even swear, & I reckon even my beard stood on end lol
I guess this just goes to prove that the Good Lord does indeed look out for fools, drunks, & little children :P
Anyway, there was no harm done, my splice job works, and everyone else got to have a good laugh at me hopping around and swearing after my accidental defibrillation attempt.
Otherwise it’s been a quiet two days since I last typed anything up for this. Yesterday could have been better, & I was really down for the whole day yesterday. I think lack of sleep is catching up with me again, and this platoon leaving to go home on Monday is just bringing home how long I still have to go here myself. Every day that passes is a day closer to when I get on a plane home myself, but that’s still a good 5 months from now.
I could really do with a little friendly contact right now, & hearing a familiar voice would do my mood a lot of good. I’ve been feeling increasingly isolated and cut off from everyone lately, so it’s a good thing I’ll be heading into the capital soon, where I’ll be able to make a few calls.
I’m really hoping that my sense of humour improves when I’m back in regular contact with people back home, if only so that I can stop fucking whining so much – I guess anyone reading this must be about as tired of that as I am. Self pity is something I’ve never had much patience for, so I’ve been getting really annoyed with myself for sulking so much lately. I’m having a better day so far though, & overall I’m nowhere near as down as I was when I got here, but there’s still room for improvement
Anyway, that’s pretty much it for now. I think I’m going to install GTA again and indulge in a little mindless virtual violence for awhile – that’s always good for a laugh :P
1120B
Darwin Awards Pt 2 – “I’ll have the Refugee Steak, medium rare, thanks”
I just had my first real casualty for the deployment, one of the kids from the refugee camp next door that hang around the camp & help out. They’ve been busy cleaning up the base for the new platoon coming in, and this particular one decided it would be a good idea to dispose of the empty Tabard aerosols by throwing them into the fire where all the other rubbish was being burnt. I guess I don’t have to tell you that subjecting a pressurised container to extreme heat is a Bad Thing. Anyway, when the cans he was burning cooked off, he was standing just that little bit too close and picked up a few flash-burns along his arm & leg. He can be bloody grateful that he didn’t get a dose of shrapnel to go along with the burns.
The burns weren’t too bad at least, though he understandably howled like a banshee the whole time, & I patched him up fairly quickly. He shouldn’t have any scarring when they heal, providing he keeps them clean, but that may be asking a bit much judging by the way he was wanting to take the dressings off not 5 minutes after I’d put them on. That Burnshield is marvellous stuff, and it really numbs a burn quickly, but I think this kid was equating “it doesn’t hurt anymore” with “damn, but that healed quickly”. He’s in for a rude shock when they take those dressings off at the clinic to clean the burns properly :P
With a little luck the pain will teach him to be a little more careful in future. Kind of like me putting 20000 volts through my fingers this morning, one would hope lol
Anyway, I’m going to get back to my GTA now – running pedestrians over may not be as much fun as a few other things I can think of, but it’ll do for the mean time ;)
Now this is why I trained as a medic, and not as an electrician…
The platoon that’s stationed here at Mwaro is packing up & leaving for Bujumbura today, so that they can fly home on Monday – lucky bastards :P
Anyway, with them packing up the guy I was running a lead from so that I have power in my tent has packed away the lead he was using, so I had to make another plan for juice till I leave myself on Wednesday or so. So what I do is get the length of extra flex that the other guy had extended his lead with, & spliced it to my extension cable. All is good so far, but now comes the tricky part – splicing the flex to a line that’s carrying current. There’s a fridge in the one tent that’s running off a dv box from the generator, so I figure I’ll patch the cable in there by wrapping the wires on the end of the flex around the live & neutral pins of the plug the fridge runs off. There’s nothing wrong with this plan as it stands, as that was how the power was running till now anyway – all we’ve done is take one length of cable out of the chain. So I’m sitting there at the dv box, and to make sure it’s safe I’ve pulled out both the plug that leads into the box and the plug that leads from it to the fridge. But then one of the troops asks me for a light for his cigarette, so I put down the wires & plug I was holding, turned around & lit his smoke for him, and then picked everything up again.
You can see where this is going, can’t you?
Yep, about 3 seconds after I start wrapping the wires around the plug I think to check that I haven’t picked up the plug that’s carrying a live current instead of the inert one running to the fridge unit. As soon I thought to check that I’ve not made a mistake, it become readily apparent that I had in fact picked up the live wire…
All I can say is that I’m very happy the power comes from a generator, and not from mains, ‘cause otherwise the voltage I suddenly found running through my fingers would have been somewhat higher. Even so it hurt too damn much to even swear, & I reckon even my beard stood on end lol
I guess this just goes to prove that the Good Lord does indeed look out for fools, drunks, & little children :P
Anyway, there was no harm done, my splice job works, and everyone else got to have a good laugh at me hopping around and swearing after my accidental defibrillation attempt.
Otherwise it’s been a quiet two days since I last typed anything up for this. Yesterday could have been better, & I was really down for the whole day yesterday. I think lack of sleep is catching up with me again, and this platoon leaving to go home on Monday is just bringing home how long I still have to go here myself. Every day that passes is a day closer to when I get on a plane home myself, but that’s still a good 5 months from now.
I could really do with a little friendly contact right now, & hearing a familiar voice would do my mood a lot of good. I’ve been feeling increasingly isolated and cut off from everyone lately, so it’s a good thing I’ll be heading into the capital soon, where I’ll be able to make a few calls.
I’m really hoping that my sense of humour improves when I’m back in regular contact with people back home, if only so that I can stop fucking whining so much – I guess anyone reading this must be about as tired of that as I am. Self pity is something I’ve never had much patience for, so I’ve been getting really annoyed with myself for sulking so much lately. I’m having a better day so far though, & overall I’m nowhere near as down as I was when I got here, but there’s still room for improvement
Anyway, that’s pretty much it for now. I think I’m going to install GTA again and indulge in a little mindless virtual violence for awhile – that’s always good for a laugh :P
1120B
Darwin Awards Pt 2 – “I’ll have the Refugee Steak, medium rare, thanks”
I just had my first real casualty for the deployment, one of the kids from the refugee camp next door that hang around the camp & help out. They’ve been busy cleaning up the base for the new platoon coming in, and this particular one decided it would be a good idea to dispose of the empty Tabard aerosols by throwing them into the fire where all the other rubbish was being burnt. I guess I don’t have to tell you that subjecting a pressurised container to extreme heat is a Bad Thing. Anyway, when the cans he was burning cooked off, he was standing just that little bit too close and picked up a few flash-burns along his arm & leg. He can be bloody grateful that he didn’t get a dose of shrapnel to go along with the burns.
The burns weren’t too bad at least, though he understandably howled like a banshee the whole time, & I patched him up fairly quickly. He shouldn’t have any scarring when they heal, providing he keeps them clean, but that may be asking a bit much judging by the way he was wanting to take the dressings off not 5 minutes after I’d put them on. That Burnshield is marvellous stuff, and it really numbs a burn quickly, but I think this kid was equating “it doesn’t hurt anymore” with “damn, but that healed quickly”. He’s in for a rude shock when they take those dressings off at the clinic to clean the burns properly :P
With a little luck the pain will teach him to be a little more careful in future. Kind of like me putting 20000 volts through my fingers this morning, one would hope lol
Anyway, I’m going to get back to my GTA now – running pedestrians over may not be as much fun as a few other things I can think of, but it’ll do for the mean time ;)
A Quick Update
August 18th 2005, 1600B
I’m starting to get the idea that this blogging thing can become quite habit forming. To be honest I’m very surprised that I even got so far as to start the damn thing, never mind wanting to add to it all the time. I guess it’s because I’m hardly what you’d call busy & there’s not much to distract me, but then again if I was I might have something a little more interesting to talk about :P
We’ll see how things change when I go back to the capital next week.
It’s been pretty much the same old thing since I last typed anything up, other than fighting with the computer. The weather has changed somewhat though, and it looks like the rainy season is about to come down on us; we’ve had reasonable rain the last three days running, and every now & again I’ll hear a few spots hit the tent. Evidently the storms here are something to behold, and I’m looking forward to seeing a few. I’ve always loved lightning, & again I find myself sorry that I don’t have a tripod here with me, so I’m not going to be able to get any photos of the lightning – you need to set up the camera for a bulb exposure on a tripod or you can forget about it. I could always see if I can’t buy a tripod while I’m here or maybe have one sent up to me I guess, but I have an idea that I’ll get ripped on the price if I buy one here.
So far as fighting with the computer goes, it was the old story of entropy catching up compounded by PEBKAC. My Windows install was getting very slow & creaky, so yesterday I decided to try a re-install to sort things out. I made the mistake of trying to cut a corner though, & just re-installed over the existing version – I was hoping to avoid the hassle of backing up all my data to disc. This is never a good plan, as I well know. After the 3rd BSOD in as many hours I decided to do a proper job of it and re-format the damned hard drive first & then do a fresh install. I finished the backups last night, and I got started on the re-format & re-install first thing this morning. All went well till I was trying to restore my data, specifically the last set of photographs that I took, about 100 in all. Nothing special, but pictures I’d wanted to keep all the same. But could I get them off the dvd I’d burned? Not a damn. I’ve spent the last 4 hours getting nothing but bloody cyclic redundancy errors for that one directory & its files. At least there was nothing important there, mostly photos for other people actually, & I didn’t lose anything else – if my books had gone awol I’d have been really pissed – but it’s still annoying.
I’m having a few blank dvds sent up in the next few weeks, & from now on I’ll be keeping two backups of my important stuff, just in case one goes tits up like this last time. At least the notebook is running much better now.
One enjoyable aspect of this re-install is that I came across my MSN & YIM conversation logs while I was backing everything up, & I spent quite awhile last night reading through them, having a good laugh. It’s reinforced the fact that I’m really sorry that I don’t have the net access now that I did last year while I was in the Congo, & that I don’t really get to keep in touch with the people I want to, but I really enjoyed reading the logs all the same. I know that’s one of the main reasons I started this blog, so that I could keep in touch after a fashion, but I’d still rather have the net access :P
Otherwise there’s not much else to say. I’ve yet to hear from my boss about that money I was given the run around over earlier in the week, and unless I hear from him first thing in the morning I’m going to laugh it off. As I said before, it’s just not enough money to justify the hassle. I’ll be heading into Bujumbura for good either next week Tuesday, or more likely Wednesday, and that’s plenty soon enough for me. I’m really not looking forward to working in that town, so I’m going to see what I can do to stay with the UN mission, & carry on with the outside deployments instead – I have a feeling that my sanity & happy thoughts will be far better for it.
One thing that might make Bujumbura a more enjoyable experience is that we’ll be moving into a new base one of these days, once they’ve finished building the damn thing at least. There’s no telling when that will be, but with a little luck the facilities will be an improvement over what we have at the moment, and the accommodation will almost certainly be better. So far as I know we’ll be staying in WeatherHavens, the same as we did in the Congo, and that’ll be a big step up from the little 2 man “chopper tents” they’ve got us in at the moment. It may be a bit much to also hope for warm water in the showers, but I’ll keep my fingers crossed in any case :P
And if I’m really lucky, there’ll be a UN network point nearby that I can run a cable from again, or I’ll at least have better access to a pc with a net connection.
Anyway, the Lieutenant has just arrived & asked me help to with something on his computer – I just love being the unofficial IT guy :P - so I’ll be finishing this for now.
Till next time then ;)
I’m starting to get the idea that this blogging thing can become quite habit forming. To be honest I’m very surprised that I even got so far as to start the damn thing, never mind wanting to add to it all the time. I guess it’s because I’m hardly what you’d call busy & there’s not much to distract me, but then again if I was I might have something a little more interesting to talk about :P
We’ll see how things change when I go back to the capital next week.
It’s been pretty much the same old thing since I last typed anything up, other than fighting with the computer. The weather has changed somewhat though, and it looks like the rainy season is about to come down on us; we’ve had reasonable rain the last three days running, and every now & again I’ll hear a few spots hit the tent. Evidently the storms here are something to behold, and I’m looking forward to seeing a few. I’ve always loved lightning, & again I find myself sorry that I don’t have a tripod here with me, so I’m not going to be able to get any photos of the lightning – you need to set up the camera for a bulb exposure on a tripod or you can forget about it. I could always see if I can’t buy a tripod while I’m here or maybe have one sent up to me I guess, but I have an idea that I’ll get ripped on the price if I buy one here.
So far as fighting with the computer goes, it was the old story of entropy catching up compounded by PEBKAC. My Windows install was getting very slow & creaky, so yesterday I decided to try a re-install to sort things out. I made the mistake of trying to cut a corner though, & just re-installed over the existing version – I was hoping to avoid the hassle of backing up all my data to disc. This is never a good plan, as I well know. After the 3rd BSOD in as many hours I decided to do a proper job of it and re-format the damned hard drive first & then do a fresh install. I finished the backups last night, and I got started on the re-format & re-install first thing this morning. All went well till I was trying to restore my data, specifically the last set of photographs that I took, about 100 in all. Nothing special, but pictures I’d wanted to keep all the same. But could I get them off the dvd I’d burned? Not a damn. I’ve spent the last 4 hours getting nothing but bloody cyclic redundancy errors for that one directory & its files. At least there was nothing important there, mostly photos for other people actually, & I didn’t lose anything else – if my books had gone awol I’d have been really pissed – but it’s still annoying.
I’m having a few blank dvds sent up in the next few weeks, & from now on I’ll be keeping two backups of my important stuff, just in case one goes tits up like this last time. At least the notebook is running much better now.
One enjoyable aspect of this re-install is that I came across my MSN & YIM conversation logs while I was backing everything up, & I spent quite awhile last night reading through them, having a good laugh. It’s reinforced the fact that I’m really sorry that I don’t have the net access now that I did last year while I was in the Congo, & that I don’t really get to keep in touch with the people I want to, but I really enjoyed reading the logs all the same. I know that’s one of the main reasons I started this blog, so that I could keep in touch after a fashion, but I’d still rather have the net access :P
Otherwise there’s not much else to say. I’ve yet to hear from my boss about that money I was given the run around over earlier in the week, and unless I hear from him first thing in the morning I’m going to laugh it off. As I said before, it’s just not enough money to justify the hassle. I’ll be heading into Bujumbura for good either next week Tuesday, or more likely Wednesday, and that’s plenty soon enough for me. I’m really not looking forward to working in that town, so I’m going to see what I can do to stay with the UN mission, & carry on with the outside deployments instead – I have a feeling that my sanity & happy thoughts will be far better for it.
One thing that might make Bujumbura a more enjoyable experience is that we’ll be moving into a new base one of these days, once they’ve finished building the damn thing at least. There’s no telling when that will be, but with a little luck the facilities will be an improvement over what we have at the moment, and the accommodation will almost certainly be better. So far as I know we’ll be staying in WeatherHavens, the same as we did in the Congo, and that’ll be a big step up from the little 2 man “chopper tents” they’ve got us in at the moment. It may be a bit much to also hope for warm water in the showers, but I’ll keep my fingers crossed in any case :P
And if I’m really lucky, there’ll be a UN network point nearby that I can run a cable from again, or I’ll at least have better access to a pc with a net connection.
Anyway, the Lieutenant has just arrived & asked me help to with something on his computer – I just love being the unofficial IT guy :P - so I’ll be finishing this for now.
Till next time then ;)
“Starry, starry night, paint your palette blue & grey…..”
August 17th 2005, 0255B
I’ve always loved that song, “Vincent” by Don McClean. Sad as hell, but it’s always been a favourite of mine. And it’s fairly apt to me right now actually, the opening few words at least – not the rest where it gets sad :P
It’s a little before 0300, & I’ve been awake for about half an hour now. I never seem to sleep past 0400 at the latest these days, regardless of the sleeping tabs, though I sometimes manage to fall asleep again by 0500. It’s a tad annoying to be awake right now, as the fire’s died down so I can’t even make myself a cup of coffee, but I’m sure I’ll get by.
But that’s not why I fired up the notebook – I’m trying not to bitch & whine in this post, for a change :P
I just got back from outside – funny how the bladder seems to fill up within 5 min of your eyes opening, isn’t it? – and you have to see the moon & stars that are out there at the moment. You just don’t get nights skies like this in Durban, or in any large town really as there’s too much light pollution. But up here, away from everything it’s crystal clear, still, & quiet. It’s beautiful, & it’s a real pity not to be sharing it with someone. You could pretty much read by the light the moon is giving off, & it’s not even quite full yet. It’s a bit cloudy, as we had a little rain yesterday, so there aren’t too many stars out this morning and we’re too far north here to see much of the Milky Way anyway, which is a little disappointing, but it’s still really beautiful.
I’m also really sorry that I don’t have a tripod & remote shutter release with me right now, as there’s a way to take fantastic landscape shots by moonlight that conditions here seem perfect for right now. I could probably get away without the tripod & just dead rest the camera on something, but you have to keep the shutter open for something like 2 minutes, and I’d never be able to keep the camera still enough to get a picture that wasn’t fuzzy if I was touching it – just your heartbeat causes enough vibration to blur the shot over that length of exposure if you’re touching the camera. The battery on the notebook is probably going to die in about 20 min, so when it does I’ll go outside and set the camera to a 30sec shutter exposure and crank the exposure compensation right up, and try it anyway – it is really bright here tonight, so that may be enough.
That’s the big advantage of digital I guess; if I was using film, this little experiment would set me back about R5 every time I pressed the shutter, with the cost of buying & then developing film. A digital camera costs a shit load more than the equivalent film camera, but you really save on consumables. I paid R15000 for the 20D, & I’ve bought about R2000 worth of Compact Flash cards, where Ash paid about R2500 for her 3000V for example, but when you consider that between the two of us we’ve taken over six thousand photos with the 20D in 8 months, & at least as many again with the Fuji…. I’ve taken over a thousand photos in the last 6 weeks alone , and there’s no way I’d have been able to do that with film. Most of those photos have gone straight into the recycle bin, I must admit, but I’ve got some good ones too.
Well, the battery warning has just come on, so I’m going to finish for now & go try to take some photos by moonlight.
0700B
It appears I left it a little late to try photos, as the moon had gone down by the time I got outside at about 0400. Oh well, I guess I could always have another go at it tomorrow morning when I wake up at some un-Christian hour again lol
Anyway, I think I’m going to end this here and go hunt down some coffee – God knows I could use some right now :P
Till later then ;)
I’ve always loved that song, “Vincent” by Don McClean. Sad as hell, but it’s always been a favourite of mine. And it’s fairly apt to me right now actually, the opening few words at least – not the rest where it gets sad :P
It’s a little before 0300, & I’ve been awake for about half an hour now. I never seem to sleep past 0400 at the latest these days, regardless of the sleeping tabs, though I sometimes manage to fall asleep again by 0500. It’s a tad annoying to be awake right now, as the fire’s died down so I can’t even make myself a cup of coffee, but I’m sure I’ll get by.
But that’s not why I fired up the notebook – I’m trying not to bitch & whine in this post, for a change :P
I just got back from outside – funny how the bladder seems to fill up within 5 min of your eyes opening, isn’t it? – and you have to see the moon & stars that are out there at the moment. You just don’t get nights skies like this in Durban, or in any large town really as there’s too much light pollution. But up here, away from everything it’s crystal clear, still, & quiet. It’s beautiful, & it’s a real pity not to be sharing it with someone. You could pretty much read by the light the moon is giving off, & it’s not even quite full yet. It’s a bit cloudy, as we had a little rain yesterday, so there aren’t too many stars out this morning and we’re too far north here to see much of the Milky Way anyway, which is a little disappointing, but it’s still really beautiful.
I’m also really sorry that I don’t have a tripod & remote shutter release with me right now, as there’s a way to take fantastic landscape shots by moonlight that conditions here seem perfect for right now. I could probably get away without the tripod & just dead rest the camera on something, but you have to keep the shutter open for something like 2 minutes, and I’d never be able to keep the camera still enough to get a picture that wasn’t fuzzy if I was touching it – just your heartbeat causes enough vibration to blur the shot over that length of exposure if you’re touching the camera. The battery on the notebook is probably going to die in about 20 min, so when it does I’ll go outside and set the camera to a 30sec shutter exposure and crank the exposure compensation right up, and try it anyway – it is really bright here tonight, so that may be enough.
That’s the big advantage of digital I guess; if I was using film, this little experiment would set me back about R5 every time I pressed the shutter, with the cost of buying & then developing film. A digital camera costs a shit load more than the equivalent film camera, but you really save on consumables. I paid R15000 for the 20D, & I’ve bought about R2000 worth of Compact Flash cards, where Ash paid about R2500 for her 3000V for example, but when you consider that between the two of us we’ve taken over six thousand photos with the 20D in 8 months, & at least as many again with the Fuji…. I’ve taken over a thousand photos in the last 6 weeks alone , and there’s no way I’d have been able to do that with film. Most of those photos have gone straight into the recycle bin, I must admit, but I’ve got some good ones too.
Well, the battery warning has just come on, so I’m going to finish for now & go try to take some photos by moonlight.
0700B
It appears I left it a little late to try photos, as the moon had gone down by the time I got outside at about 0400. Oh well, I guess I could always have another go at it tomorrow morning when I wake up at some un-Christian hour again lol
Anyway, I think I’m going to end this here and go hunt down some coffee – God knows I could use some right now :P
Till later then ;)
A Profitable Way to Spend the Day…..
August 15th 2005, 1700B
Of all the words I could use to describe today, “productive” would not be one of them. This was pretty much one of those days where you should just go straight back to sleep when you wake up and not bother till the next day.
Ok, it wasn’t a total waste as I did get to make a few calls, I did some of my banking, & I finally managed to get this blog onto the net. You really don’t want to know how long it took me to come up with a title for it though lol. Otherwise, it could have been a somewhat better day though.
I’ve been awake since 0330 this morning, I haven’t had chance to eat yet today, I’ve only had one cup of coffee so far, I’m knackered from the driving, I sweated like a cheap ho because of the humidity, and I also managed to walk smack into a metal bar, so I’ve got this nice graze on my forehead which stings like a bitch. And that money I was supposed to get today? Yeah, right…
It turns out that there’s a certain amount of confusion as to whether I fall under the UN or the AU at the moment, & until that gets sorted out there’s no cash for Mr Sankey. That only affects my cash allowance, & not what gets paid into my account at least, or I’d be seriously pissed off right about now, as opposed to moderately the shits. My boss says he’ll call when he’s sorted things out & let me know when I can come in to get the money, but I’m not holding my breath, especially considering that it took him the whole bloody day to get even that far. If he even manages to get it right, all it means is that I have another 5 hour drive to & from Bujumbura to look forward to, and another long, hot, & frustrating day of it while I’m in town. I don’t really know that $40 is worth the aggravation, to be honest.
There is an upside though, as I’ll get another chance to call the people I couldn’t get hold of today. I only got hold of I think 3 people today – Rob, Ash, & another friend of mine, Petta. I’ve not spoken to Petz since she got married in April, so it was really good to chat with her & catch up a bit, but it was also great to chat with Rob & Ash for awhile.
Everybody else either had their phones turned off, or I just couldn’t get through on the microwave link, which was a tad frustrating. Still, when I’m back in the capital from next week, I’ll have far better access to the phone & I should manage to get to my email at least once or twice a week, so I’ll be far better able to keep in touch.
Anyway, that was pretty much my day. I going to go have my bucket bath now, then make some coffee & read till it’s time to crash. Till next time, then ;)
Of all the words I could use to describe today, “productive” would not be one of them. This was pretty much one of those days where you should just go straight back to sleep when you wake up and not bother till the next day.
Ok, it wasn’t a total waste as I did get to make a few calls, I did some of my banking, & I finally managed to get this blog onto the net. You really don’t want to know how long it took me to come up with a title for it though lol. Otherwise, it could have been a somewhat better day though.
I’ve been awake since 0330 this morning, I haven’t had chance to eat yet today, I’ve only had one cup of coffee so far, I’m knackered from the driving, I sweated like a cheap ho because of the humidity, and I also managed to walk smack into a metal bar, so I’ve got this nice graze on my forehead which stings like a bitch. And that money I was supposed to get today? Yeah, right…
It turns out that there’s a certain amount of confusion as to whether I fall under the UN or the AU at the moment, & until that gets sorted out there’s no cash for Mr Sankey. That only affects my cash allowance, & not what gets paid into my account at least, or I’d be seriously pissed off right about now, as opposed to moderately the shits. My boss says he’ll call when he’s sorted things out & let me know when I can come in to get the money, but I’m not holding my breath, especially considering that it took him the whole bloody day to get even that far. If he even manages to get it right, all it means is that I have another 5 hour drive to & from Bujumbura to look forward to, and another long, hot, & frustrating day of it while I’m in town. I don’t really know that $40 is worth the aggravation, to be honest.
There is an upside though, as I’ll get another chance to call the people I couldn’t get hold of today. I only got hold of I think 3 people today – Rob, Ash, & another friend of mine, Petta. I’ve not spoken to Petz since she got married in April, so it was really good to chat with her & catch up a bit, but it was also great to chat with Rob & Ash for awhile.
Everybody else either had their phones turned off, or I just couldn’t get through on the microwave link, which was a tad frustrating. Still, when I’m back in the capital from next week, I’ll have far better access to the phone & I should manage to get to my email at least once or twice a week, so I’ll be far better able to keep in touch.
Anyway, that was pretty much my day. I going to go have my bucket bath now, then make some coffee & read till it’s time to crash. Till next time, then ;)
Monday, August 15, 2005
Money for Nothing….
August 14th 2005, 1840B
I have another early morning tomorrow, as once again I’m going to be going through to Bujumbura for the day. It’s a good 2 hour drive, but I’m not complaining because I’m going through to get some more money J
This time it’s an allowance from the UN, only about $40 or so, but it all adds up at the end of the day. There’s also a good chance that I’ll be getting even more cash in another 10 days or so, when the new contingent arrives and draws their first months allowances in advance. That money will likely have to last me about 6 weeks or so, but that shouldn’t be a problem as I’ve not spent much so far in the time I’ve been here – pretty much just smokes, & the odd coke or beer. With a little luck I’ll actually save up a little, as there’s this 60gb Photo I-Pod I saw in a shop the other day which looks rather nice. I’ll have to check how much I can get it for in SA, as the guy here wants the best part of $700 for it, which sounds a tad expensive. Then again, do I really want to spend R5000 odd on an mp3 player / mini hard drive, when I have so much else I need the money for?
Still on the subject of money I’ll be getting the first lot of allowances in my account this pay day, and it’s a nice chunk of dosh at that – R26000 or so. When you considering that I normally clear about R5900, you can see that I have cause to smile. Briefly anyway, as that money is already spent – all those other things I need money for instead of I-Pods, such as settling debts. Bugger L
It’s a fat paycheck this month as I’m getting all my allowances from 6th July till end August in one go, so next month won’t be quite so flush – about R16000 or so, I’m guessing – but that’s still a lot more than I normally get. And it’s not as if I’m working myself to death to earn all this extra money either.
Otherwise it’s been fairly quiet since I last sat down to type anything up for the blog. My mood is significantly better than it was, thank the Pope, though I still have fairly frequent down spells. At least they’re only lasting a few hours instead of a few days, & they’re nowhere near so dark. I’m still not sleeping as well as I’d like, but I’m averaging about 6 hours a night now which is a lot better than I was managing earlier in the week. Things are really looking up right now, but I’ll be taking my weekly mefliam tonight and it’ll be interesting to see how I feel by Wednesday or so.
I’ve not even taken many photos in the last few days – I’ve taken all the pictures of the crows & hawks around here that I care to, and the sunrises are also busy loosing their appeal :P
If I can, I’ll take a drive around the area in the week to see if I can find a few new things to point a lens at. That’s one thing I want to spend a little money on – another lens. “But you just bought one!” I hear you say, which is true. I’m quite happy with the 55-200 I bought before I came up here actually & it’s quite good as a walkaround lens, but it really doesn’t have the reach I’m looking for. It also doesn’t always produce the sharpest of images, but that’s more likely a problem that arises behind the lens than anything else :P Nothing that unsharp mask can’t fix though.
The new lens I’m looking at is a Sigma 170–500 that I remember reading very nice things about before I deployed. There’s also a 50-500 on the market, which is fairly well priced and a lot smaller, but I’m wary of the distortion you get on lenses with such a wide focal range. I also already have 2 lenses which cover a fair chunk of that range, the 55-200 & a 75-300. It seems a bit of a waste to duplicate the range of the two existing lenses, & I’m thinking it’ll be better to get the 170-500 & have fewer issues with distortion & sharpness. It’s a big bastard though, so it’s not going to be the most convenient carry lens which is a little off-putting. It’s not as if there’s any rush to buy a new lens though, so I’ll take a little time & do some research before I fork out the cash.
I still need to make a plan to upload a few of the photos I’ve taken so far, but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get that right given how slow the net connection at the HQ is. I really don’t feel like sitting for 20 min trying to upload a 200k jpg file, assuming I even get chance to get onto the machine. I hope I do though, as it’s about bloody time I got this blog up and running, instead of it just sitting on my hard disk.
Anyway, that’s it for now – it’s time for me to take my drugs & read a little more of my book before I crash for the night. Keep well everyone, & I’ll try to call as many people as I can while I’m in town tomorrow.
I have another early morning tomorrow, as once again I’m going to be going through to Bujumbura for the day. It’s a good 2 hour drive, but I’m not complaining because I’m going through to get some more money J
This time it’s an allowance from the UN, only about $40 or so, but it all adds up at the end of the day. There’s also a good chance that I’ll be getting even more cash in another 10 days or so, when the new contingent arrives and draws their first months allowances in advance. That money will likely have to last me about 6 weeks or so, but that shouldn’t be a problem as I’ve not spent much so far in the time I’ve been here – pretty much just smokes, & the odd coke or beer. With a little luck I’ll actually save up a little, as there’s this 60gb Photo I-Pod I saw in a shop the other day which looks rather nice. I’ll have to check how much I can get it for in SA, as the guy here wants the best part of $700 for it, which sounds a tad expensive. Then again, do I really want to spend R5000 odd on an mp3 player / mini hard drive, when I have so much else I need the money for?
Still on the subject of money I’ll be getting the first lot of allowances in my account this pay day, and it’s a nice chunk of dosh at that – R26000 or so. When you considering that I normally clear about R5900, you can see that I have cause to smile. Briefly anyway, as that money is already spent – all those other things I need money for instead of I-Pods, such as settling debts. Bugger L
It’s a fat paycheck this month as I’m getting all my allowances from 6th July till end August in one go, so next month won’t be quite so flush – about R16000 or so, I’m guessing – but that’s still a lot more than I normally get. And it’s not as if I’m working myself to death to earn all this extra money either.
Otherwise it’s been fairly quiet since I last sat down to type anything up for the blog. My mood is significantly better than it was, thank the Pope, though I still have fairly frequent down spells. At least they’re only lasting a few hours instead of a few days, & they’re nowhere near so dark. I’m still not sleeping as well as I’d like, but I’m averaging about 6 hours a night now which is a lot better than I was managing earlier in the week. Things are really looking up right now, but I’ll be taking my weekly mefliam tonight and it’ll be interesting to see how I feel by Wednesday or so.
I’ve not even taken many photos in the last few days – I’ve taken all the pictures of the crows & hawks around here that I care to, and the sunrises are also busy loosing their appeal :P
If I can, I’ll take a drive around the area in the week to see if I can find a few new things to point a lens at. That’s one thing I want to spend a little money on – another lens. “But you just bought one!” I hear you say, which is true. I’m quite happy with the 55-200 I bought before I came up here actually & it’s quite good as a walkaround lens, but it really doesn’t have the reach I’m looking for. It also doesn’t always produce the sharpest of images, but that’s more likely a problem that arises behind the lens than anything else :P Nothing that unsharp mask can’t fix though.
The new lens I’m looking at is a Sigma 170–500 that I remember reading very nice things about before I deployed. There’s also a 50-500 on the market, which is fairly well priced and a lot smaller, but I’m wary of the distortion you get on lenses with such a wide focal range. I also already have 2 lenses which cover a fair chunk of that range, the 55-200 & a 75-300. It seems a bit of a waste to duplicate the range of the two existing lenses, & I’m thinking it’ll be better to get the 170-500 & have fewer issues with distortion & sharpness. It’s a big bastard though, so it’s not going to be the most convenient carry lens which is a little off-putting. It’s not as if there’s any rush to buy a new lens though, so I’ll take a little time & do some research before I fork out the cash.
I still need to make a plan to upload a few of the photos I’ve taken so far, but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get that right given how slow the net connection at the HQ is. I really don’t feel like sitting for 20 min trying to upload a 200k jpg file, assuming I even get chance to get onto the machine. I hope I do though, as it’s about bloody time I got this blog up and running, instead of it just sitting on my hard disk.
Anyway, that’s it for now – it’s time for me to take my drugs & read a little more of my book before I crash for the night. Keep well everyone, & I’ll try to call as many people as I can while I’m in town tomorrow.
“There’s better days shining through….”
August 11th 2005, 1120B
According to Bruce Springsteen, at least.
Yesterday was not a good day at all though, not even close. My sense of humour & happy thoughts have really not been at their best lately. Partly it’s because the last few months have had their ups & downs, but it’s also because the anti-malaria tabs I’m taking have some wicked side effects, including insomnia and emotional disturbances. I’ve been averaging about 4 hours sleep a night for awhile now, and I’ve been experiencing some pretty nasty bouts of depression & anger. The depression has been getting progressively worse so I got the doc to prescribe me some sleeping tablets while I was at the HQ yesterday, & last night I had the best nights’ sleep I’ve had in weeks. I’m feeling a lot better this morning, & have regained enough of my equilibrium to obtain at least some perspective about how yesterday turned out. But yesterday is one of the worst days I’ve had in a very long time. I’m not going to go into detail, other than to say that I read something yesterday, something that caused me a very great deal of hurt and anger, and opened my eyes to an unpleasant truth. I’m also not really going to try to describe how I felt either, because I don’t know that I can. Let’s just say I was as miserable and furious as I can remember having been for a very long time, and leave it at that.
A certain part of how I felt can be attributed to the side effects of the mefliam, and I likely wouldn’t have found myself in such a dark hole yesterday if I wasn’t taking them. But what I read yesterday would have been painful enough, even in the absence of anything to contribute towards making it worse.
I actually sat here for about 4 hours yesterday, pouring out bitter and angry words, demanding answers to questions nobody reading this would likely be able to answer. When I’d finished I went looking to make the world go very blurry, but I couldn’t find anything to drink so I took an immovaine instead and went to sleep. By far the better plan of the two, in all honesty.
And sleep I did, for a good 7 hours. This morning I woke up feeling far better, far more stable, and much more rational than I had been when I went to bed. Still a long way from good, but better. I read through what I’d typed up last night, and decided to delete it, even if it was a fairly true reflection of my mental state at the time. Sitting down and typing it likely had something of a cathartic effect, which is all to the good, but it was a little raw for public consumption.
I think I’ve spoken enough of how shit yesterday was though. Where to from here then? That I have been wronged is without question, but what should I do about it? I could claim my satisfaction, but I really doubt that it’d be worth the price. I do know that forgiving will not be easy, and forgetting likely impossible, but I at least have time to consider how I’m going to deal with this. In all probability I will do nothing, and be content with having learned the truth that makes lies of so much I was told. There are few things more pointless than holding onto anger, than seeking to punish. What useful purpose does it serve, really? The deed has already been done, and all the apologies in the world, no matter how sincere can turn back time.
I think I’d be better served by washing my hands of the whole sorry affair, and moving on. The most profitable first step in that would be dealing with the general depression I’ve been experiencing these last few months. I have to take the mefliam unfortunately, as it’s pretty much the only effective anti-malarial available to me here. Larium has similar, if not worse, side effects, and I took doxycycline for too long last year for it to be effective so soon again. I want to lose a little weight while I’m here, but I’d prefer it not be because I’ve had the malaria sweats for a week. So I’ll just have to take the mefliam and do what I can to minimise the side effects.
Sleeping better will go a very long way towards stabilising my moods, as I’ve always been a sulky bastard when tired. I’ll take the immovaine for a few days, and see if that doesn’t re-establish a regular sleeping pattern. If it does I’ll stop taking them, but I’ll keep what I have in case I start having trouble sleeping again.
If the depression continues regardless, then I may just have a problem. The next step would be to consider a mild anti-depressant, but it would be only prudent to sit down with the psychologist before bringing on the happy pills, just to make sure it really is only the mefliam giving me the blues, and that there’s not a genuine underlying depression there that I’ve managed to ignore.
One thing I do know is that I am sick and tired of being miserable so much of the time. I may be having a much better day today than I did yesterday, but that doesn’t actually mean that today has been a good day either.
I’m so fucking happy right now I could just dance the fucking can-can, so I’d appreciate it if you could bring on those “better days”, Bruce.
I could certainly use a few right now.
According to Bruce Springsteen, at least.
Yesterday was not a good day at all though, not even close. My sense of humour & happy thoughts have really not been at their best lately. Partly it’s because the last few months have had their ups & downs, but it’s also because the anti-malaria tabs I’m taking have some wicked side effects, including insomnia and emotional disturbances. I’ve been averaging about 4 hours sleep a night for awhile now, and I’ve been experiencing some pretty nasty bouts of depression & anger. The depression has been getting progressively worse so I got the doc to prescribe me some sleeping tablets while I was at the HQ yesterday, & last night I had the best nights’ sleep I’ve had in weeks. I’m feeling a lot better this morning, & have regained enough of my equilibrium to obtain at least some perspective about how yesterday turned out. But yesterday is one of the worst days I’ve had in a very long time. I’m not going to go into detail, other than to say that I read something yesterday, something that caused me a very great deal of hurt and anger, and opened my eyes to an unpleasant truth. I’m also not really going to try to describe how I felt either, because I don’t know that I can. Let’s just say I was as miserable and furious as I can remember having been for a very long time, and leave it at that.
A certain part of how I felt can be attributed to the side effects of the mefliam, and I likely wouldn’t have found myself in such a dark hole yesterday if I wasn’t taking them. But what I read yesterday would have been painful enough, even in the absence of anything to contribute towards making it worse.
I actually sat here for about 4 hours yesterday, pouring out bitter and angry words, demanding answers to questions nobody reading this would likely be able to answer. When I’d finished I went looking to make the world go very blurry, but I couldn’t find anything to drink so I took an immovaine instead and went to sleep. By far the better plan of the two, in all honesty.
And sleep I did, for a good 7 hours. This morning I woke up feeling far better, far more stable, and much more rational than I had been when I went to bed. Still a long way from good, but better. I read through what I’d typed up last night, and decided to delete it, even if it was a fairly true reflection of my mental state at the time. Sitting down and typing it likely had something of a cathartic effect, which is all to the good, but it was a little raw for public consumption.
I think I’ve spoken enough of how shit yesterday was though. Where to from here then? That I have been wronged is without question, but what should I do about it? I could claim my satisfaction, but I really doubt that it’d be worth the price. I do know that forgiving will not be easy, and forgetting likely impossible, but I at least have time to consider how I’m going to deal with this. In all probability I will do nothing, and be content with having learned the truth that makes lies of so much I was told. There are few things more pointless than holding onto anger, than seeking to punish. What useful purpose does it serve, really? The deed has already been done, and all the apologies in the world, no matter how sincere can turn back time.
I think I’d be better served by washing my hands of the whole sorry affair, and moving on. The most profitable first step in that would be dealing with the general depression I’ve been experiencing these last few months. I have to take the mefliam unfortunately, as it’s pretty much the only effective anti-malarial available to me here. Larium has similar, if not worse, side effects, and I took doxycycline for too long last year for it to be effective so soon again. I want to lose a little weight while I’m here, but I’d prefer it not be because I’ve had the malaria sweats for a week. So I’ll just have to take the mefliam and do what I can to minimise the side effects.
Sleeping better will go a very long way towards stabilising my moods, as I’ve always been a sulky bastard when tired. I’ll take the immovaine for a few days, and see if that doesn’t re-establish a regular sleeping pattern. If it does I’ll stop taking them, but I’ll keep what I have in case I start having trouble sleeping again.
If the depression continues regardless, then I may just have a problem. The next step would be to consider a mild anti-depressant, but it would be only prudent to sit down with the psychologist before bringing on the happy pills, just to make sure it really is only the mefliam giving me the blues, and that there’s not a genuine underlying depression there that I’ve managed to ignore.
One thing I do know is that I am sick and tired of being miserable so much of the time. I may be having a much better day today than I did yesterday, but that doesn’t actually mean that today has been a good day either.
I’m so fucking happy right now I could just dance the fucking can-can, so I’d appreciate it if you could bring on those “better days”, Bruce.
I could certainly use a few right now.
Show me the money….
August 10th 2005, 0445B
You’ve got to love that first cup of coffee in the morning. Evidently the caffeine jolt you get from it increases your risk of a sudden heart attack by about 30% for an hour or so, but who gives a shit? Coffee is proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy, & I have serious doubts that life would be possible without the glorious brew.
Anyway, enough of waxing lyrical about one of my addictions of choice. It’s a bit before 0500 & I should really be getting ready to head into town. Instead I find myself at the notebook, typing away whilst sipping on my mug of ambrosia & smoking cigarettes. I’ve always been good at finding distractions :P
I’m up early for a change because I have to go through to the HQ in Bujumbura to collect the cash allowance we get every month. My “pocket money” for want of a better description. The army pays us a fair bit extra while we’re on these external ops - a few cents short of R400 a day, tax free – and they give us a small amount of that as cash in hand against expenses. We used to pay tax on the allowances, 43 bloody percent tax at that, but they stopped that last year just as I got to the Congo, so Trevor Manual is subsequently my favourite politician type person.
But once again, I digress. Here in Burundi they’ve decided on $6 a day for expenses, which really isn’t a lot at all, but in a way that’s a good thing as that $6 a day is deducted from the money that goes into our bank accounts each month. The less you spend here, the more you end up with at home at the end of the day.
I’m also hearing vague rumblings about an increase in our allowances due shortly, but I’ll believe that when I see it - there’s no organisation like the army for bull-shit rumours, and we’re still waiting for the annual salary increment that was supposed to come through in bloody April, never mind increases on our allowances. I certainly wouldn’t complain if they decide to give us more money though :P
Anyway, I hear the vehicles starting up, so it’s time for me to say cheers for now.
¡Hasta luego!
You’ve got to love that first cup of coffee in the morning. Evidently the caffeine jolt you get from it increases your risk of a sudden heart attack by about 30% for an hour or so, but who gives a shit? Coffee is proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy, & I have serious doubts that life would be possible without the glorious brew.
Anyway, enough of waxing lyrical about one of my addictions of choice. It’s a bit before 0500 & I should really be getting ready to head into town. Instead I find myself at the notebook, typing away whilst sipping on my mug of ambrosia & smoking cigarettes. I’ve always been good at finding distractions :P
I’m up early for a change because I have to go through to the HQ in Bujumbura to collect the cash allowance we get every month. My “pocket money” for want of a better description. The army pays us a fair bit extra while we’re on these external ops - a few cents short of R400 a day, tax free – and they give us a small amount of that as cash in hand against expenses. We used to pay tax on the allowances, 43 bloody percent tax at that, but they stopped that last year just as I got to the Congo, so Trevor Manual is subsequently my favourite politician type person.
But once again, I digress. Here in Burundi they’ve decided on $6 a day for expenses, which really isn’t a lot at all, but in a way that’s a good thing as that $6 a day is deducted from the money that goes into our bank accounts each month. The less you spend here, the more you end up with at home at the end of the day.
I’m also hearing vague rumblings about an increase in our allowances due shortly, but I’ll believe that when I see it - there’s no organisation like the army for bull-shit rumours, and we’re still waiting for the annual salary increment that was supposed to come through in bloody April, never mind increases on our allowances. I certainly wouldn’t complain if they decide to give us more money though :P
Anyway, I hear the vehicles starting up, so it’s time for me to say cheers for now.
¡Hasta luego!
“A paid vacation,” the recruiting sergeant called it. Lying bastard…..
August 9th 2005, 1640B
Now that was just soooo fun…..
I just spent the last 15 minutes having a bath. Out of a bucket. In a tent at something like 6000ft above sea level. A tent with lots of holes in it. In what passes for winter around here. And there was a rather nippy breeze blowing, I can tell you. It doesn’t matter how warm the water is when you’re standing there bare-ass wet & nekkid, soap in your eyes & trying not to do yourself an injury because the floor is so bloody slippery, and suddenly this gentle little breeze fresh from the Arctic decides to waft through the gaps in the tent and affectionately tickle the unmentionables.
Trust me, it isn’t fun at all….
At least tomorrow I’ll be heading in to Bujumbura to collect my cash-in-hand allowance for the next month, so I’ll stop by the base & have a proper shower there while I’m in town. The only catch is that there’s no hot water in the showers at the base. Still, the capital gets bloody warm, so a cold shower is actually quite pleasant there.
All the same, it’ll be bloody good to get home to Durbs, back to my own place. I have a nice shower at home. It’s hardly the largest, or the most luxuriously appointed – hell, it took 3 months to get the bloody door on – but it’s my shower. I like my shower, & I’ve got some fond memories of time spent in it.
And my bed. Let’s not forget the bed now. I’ve got this lovely queen size that takes up just about all the floor space in the room, & it’s just bloody marvellous. To be sure it was a little strange not to be sharing it those last few days before I came up here, but I’m getting used to that again now & I can’t wait to get back to my own bed again. It’s an exponential leap up from this piece of shit army bed I’m using here. Narrow, wire framed, 2 inch foam mattress piece of crap. I bloody hate this bed.
My own bed, my own shower, my own bloody toilet instead of a bloody long drop. My coffee machine, my fridge with ice for my whiskey, my desktop pc with broadband internet access.
My friends.
I miss all of the above, but I really miss my friends. The Gareths, Ash, Shirlz, Rob, Mark, Paul & Noelle, my mate Iain in Maritzburg. Colleen, Kerry, Roy & Betty from the office, the gang on the Pond, & everyone else I haven’t mentioned here by name. Being separated from my friends is the hardest part about being away like this.
You know, when I started this I was fairly cheerful, other than for what felt like frost bitten delicate bits, but I’ve just succeeded in reminding myself of all the things I miss, and have to do without while I’m here. Now I’m pissed off & maudlin all over again. Fuck it, now I’m going to go find a few pints of Primus & make the world go blurry for a few hours.
See you all in February guys.
Now that was just soooo fun…..
I just spent the last 15 minutes having a bath. Out of a bucket. In a tent at something like 6000ft above sea level. A tent with lots of holes in it. In what passes for winter around here. And there was a rather nippy breeze blowing, I can tell you. It doesn’t matter how warm the water is when you’re standing there bare-ass wet & nekkid, soap in your eyes & trying not to do yourself an injury because the floor is so bloody slippery, and suddenly this gentle little breeze fresh from the Arctic decides to waft through the gaps in the tent and affectionately tickle the unmentionables.
Trust me, it isn’t fun at all….
At least tomorrow I’ll be heading in to Bujumbura to collect my cash-in-hand allowance for the next month, so I’ll stop by the base & have a proper shower there while I’m in town. The only catch is that there’s no hot water in the showers at the base. Still, the capital gets bloody warm, so a cold shower is actually quite pleasant there.
All the same, it’ll be bloody good to get home to Durbs, back to my own place. I have a nice shower at home. It’s hardly the largest, or the most luxuriously appointed – hell, it took 3 months to get the bloody door on – but it’s my shower. I like my shower, & I’ve got some fond memories of time spent in it.
And my bed. Let’s not forget the bed now. I’ve got this lovely queen size that takes up just about all the floor space in the room, & it’s just bloody marvellous. To be sure it was a little strange not to be sharing it those last few days before I came up here, but I’m getting used to that again now & I can’t wait to get back to my own bed again. It’s an exponential leap up from this piece of shit army bed I’m using here. Narrow, wire framed, 2 inch foam mattress piece of crap. I bloody hate this bed.
My own bed, my own shower, my own bloody toilet instead of a bloody long drop. My coffee machine, my fridge with ice for my whiskey, my desktop pc with broadband internet access.
My friends.
I miss all of the above, but I really miss my friends. The Gareths, Ash, Shirlz, Rob, Mark, Paul & Noelle, my mate Iain in Maritzburg. Colleen, Kerry, Roy & Betty from the office, the gang on the Pond, & everyone else I haven’t mentioned here by name. Being separated from my friends is the hardest part about being away like this.
You know, when I started this I was fairly cheerful, other than for what felt like frost bitten delicate bits, but I’ve just succeeded in reminding myself of all the things I miss, and have to do without while I’m here. Now I’m pissed off & maudlin all over again. Fuck it, now I’m going to go find a few pints of Primus & make the world go blurry for a few hours.
See you all in February guys.
And your tax money is spent on the following…..
August 4th 2005, 2135B
As you can probably guess, I wasn’t able to get this onto the net before I deployed out of Bujumbura, but I’ll just keep up with the plan of typing these things up in Word & posting them when I get the chance.
So let’s get started, shall we?
As a little background for those of you who missed me bitching & moaning about it, the army decided to ship me off to Burundi 6 weeks early, effectively turning a 6 months deployment into one that’s the best part of eight months long instead. I got here on 6th July, and am scheduled to rotate back to “the States” sometime in February next year. I had originally been supposed to arrive here in mid August, but someone decided that extra personnel were needed for the elections that have been going on here recently, so a few of us ended up shipping out over a month early.
Currently I’m deployed out of Bujumbura to a little place called Mwaro, about 70km south east of the capital. The camp is a little collection of ten or so 16x16 tents at the top of a hill, in the middle of a huge refugee camp & surrounded by razor wire. It’s actually quite pleasant here, & I far prefer it to Bujumbura. The weather is shit loads better for one. The capital is right on Lake Tanganyika, so the heat, humidity & the mosquitoes are pretty rough. Here we’re a good 2000m above sea level, so it’s much cooler & there’s no humidity at all. No mozzies either come to think of it, and that’s a huge point in its favour. Vampiric little bitches.
It’s also quite a pleasant area, scenery wise, & the sunrise down the valley from the camp is really pleasant some mornings, at least on those mornings I get up so early. Usually I sleep in till about 0700 here, & Ash’ll tell you that constitutes a late lie-in for me. That’s actually the best part of being here – the relaxed attitude. It’s only a platoon strength base, so the highest rank here is a Lieutenant, with a Sergeant as the next senior non-com after myself. The platoon isn’t busy with active operations either, having been placed here as security for the refugee camp, so it’s not that we’re doing much patrolling either. My day typically consists of getting up in time for morning coffee, pulling on shorts & a t-shirt, & then reading or taking a few photos – some of which I’ll post at some point - for the rest of the day. Every couple of days I’ll take my vehicle for a maintenance drive to make sure that the battery stays charged & that it’s in good working order. And that, ladies & gentlemen, is what your tax money is paying me to do lately.
I’ll be rotating back to the capital in a few weeks though, when the new contingent arrives, & things will change some then. It looks like the current planning is that I’ll be pulled from the UN mission to Burundi & switched over to the African Union contingent instead for the remainder of the deployment. That sucks a bit in that I’ll be pretty much permanently based in Bujumbura, & I can’t say that I’m fond of the town, but I’ll probably be a fair bit busier.
Bujumbura itself isn’t such a bad place, & I was pleasantly surprised at how clean the place is. I’d been expecting another Kinshasa with its filth, crowds, smog, & appalling traffic, but it’s actually quite different. There’s less litter than in many South African cities, & there are far fewer people crowding the city. The traffic still isn’t so hot, but it’s way better than Kinshasa. I refused point blank to drive in that city, but I’m happy enough behind the wheel here. Then again, when you’re driving an 18 ton armoured vehicle, you can afford not to worry about some dumb bastard trying to cut you off – you might feel the bang, but all you’ll have to do is rub off the paint his car leaves behind :P
I’m not too crazy about what working in Bujumbura was like for the two weeks I was there for though, and many of the people there are not people I’m interested in spending time with. Not that it really matters much I guess, as my job will be changing when I get back to the capital, & I’ll be exchanging the current crop of assholes for new assholes when the next contingent arrives. They’re not all assholes here though, & a few of the people I’ve met here are rather pleasant. Not that I really had chance to get to know them while I was in town, as I’ve not been in a very sociable frame of mind for the most part, and they’ll have rotated back to the States by the time I finish up here in the bush. Still, they were pleasant enough, & few of us went out for pizza the night before I left for Mwaro, which was quite fun. Especially the part where I ended up having to order for everyone, because I was the only one who knows even 3 words in French. That’s not as bad as one place I went to in the Congo though, a little café in Bunia – me as an English speaking patron, the Lingali speaking counter staff, and a Spanish speaking cashier. It took 10 minutes to order & pay for a cup of coffee, with milk & 2 sugars, so I laughed off the tuna and mayo roll as a lost cause.
One of the guys coming up at the end of the month, Tiaan, is a mate from the office in Durbs, & a few of the others I met on the mission readiness training seemed decent enough so at least I’ll have some friendly company for the next few months.
Anyway, it’s late & I’m off to bed, not that I’m sleeping too well lately. Bloody mefliam side effects…
Cheers for now ;)
As you can probably guess, I wasn’t able to get this onto the net before I deployed out of Bujumbura, but I’ll just keep up with the plan of typing these things up in Word & posting them when I get the chance.
So let’s get started, shall we?
As a little background for those of you who missed me bitching & moaning about it, the army decided to ship me off to Burundi 6 weeks early, effectively turning a 6 months deployment into one that’s the best part of eight months long instead. I got here on 6th July, and am scheduled to rotate back to “the States” sometime in February next year. I had originally been supposed to arrive here in mid August, but someone decided that extra personnel were needed for the elections that have been going on here recently, so a few of us ended up shipping out over a month early.
Currently I’m deployed out of Bujumbura to a little place called Mwaro, about 70km south east of the capital. The camp is a little collection of ten or so 16x16 tents at the top of a hill, in the middle of a huge refugee camp & surrounded by razor wire. It’s actually quite pleasant here, & I far prefer it to Bujumbura. The weather is shit loads better for one. The capital is right on Lake Tanganyika, so the heat, humidity & the mosquitoes are pretty rough. Here we’re a good 2000m above sea level, so it’s much cooler & there’s no humidity at all. No mozzies either come to think of it, and that’s a huge point in its favour. Vampiric little bitches.
It’s also quite a pleasant area, scenery wise, & the sunrise down the valley from the camp is really pleasant some mornings, at least on those mornings I get up so early. Usually I sleep in till about 0700 here, & Ash’ll tell you that constitutes a late lie-in for me. That’s actually the best part of being here – the relaxed attitude. It’s only a platoon strength base, so the highest rank here is a Lieutenant, with a Sergeant as the next senior non-com after myself. The platoon isn’t busy with active operations either, having been placed here as security for the refugee camp, so it’s not that we’re doing much patrolling either. My day typically consists of getting up in time for morning coffee, pulling on shorts & a t-shirt, & then reading or taking a few photos – some of which I’ll post at some point - for the rest of the day. Every couple of days I’ll take my vehicle for a maintenance drive to make sure that the battery stays charged & that it’s in good working order. And that, ladies & gentlemen, is what your tax money is paying me to do lately.
I’ll be rotating back to the capital in a few weeks though, when the new contingent arrives, & things will change some then. It looks like the current planning is that I’ll be pulled from the UN mission to Burundi & switched over to the African Union contingent instead for the remainder of the deployment. That sucks a bit in that I’ll be pretty much permanently based in Bujumbura, & I can’t say that I’m fond of the town, but I’ll probably be a fair bit busier.
Bujumbura itself isn’t such a bad place, & I was pleasantly surprised at how clean the place is. I’d been expecting another Kinshasa with its filth, crowds, smog, & appalling traffic, but it’s actually quite different. There’s less litter than in many South African cities, & there are far fewer people crowding the city. The traffic still isn’t so hot, but it’s way better than Kinshasa. I refused point blank to drive in that city, but I’m happy enough behind the wheel here. Then again, when you’re driving an 18 ton armoured vehicle, you can afford not to worry about some dumb bastard trying to cut you off – you might feel the bang, but all you’ll have to do is rub off the paint his car leaves behind :P
I’m not too crazy about what working in Bujumbura was like for the two weeks I was there for though, and many of the people there are not people I’m interested in spending time with. Not that it really matters much I guess, as my job will be changing when I get back to the capital, & I’ll be exchanging the current crop of assholes for new assholes when the next contingent arrives. They’re not all assholes here though, & a few of the people I’ve met here are rather pleasant. Not that I really had chance to get to know them while I was in town, as I’ve not been in a very sociable frame of mind for the most part, and they’ll have rotated back to the States by the time I finish up here in the bush. Still, they were pleasant enough, & few of us went out for pizza the night before I left for Mwaro, which was quite fun. Especially the part where I ended up having to order for everyone, because I was the only one who knows even 3 words in French. That’s not as bad as one place I went to in the Congo though, a little café in Bunia – me as an English speaking patron, the Lingali speaking counter staff, and a Spanish speaking cashier. It took 10 minutes to order & pay for a cup of coffee, with milk & 2 sugars, so I laughed off the tuna and mayo roll as a lost cause.
One of the guys coming up at the end of the month, Tiaan, is a mate from the office in Durbs, & a few of the others I met on the mission readiness training seemed decent enough so at least I’ll have some friendly company for the next few months.
Anyway, it’s late & I’m off to bed, not that I’m sleeping too well lately. Bloody mefliam side effects…
Cheers for now ;)
A Beginning....
July 26th 2005, 1855B
About a year ago, while I was in the Congo, Shirley suggested I start a blog saying that it’s a good way to keep in touch with people when you don’t get the opportunity to speak with them frequently. I didn’t get around to it at the time, as I had pretty good comms with everyone I needed to, & I also couldn’t really think of anything meaningful to say either. The cyclical nature of life being what it is, I find myself once again a long way from home, from all things familiar & fond, from friends & family. This time I’m in Burundi, & I unfortunately don’t have the same access to communication that I did in the Congo last year, so blogging will have to stand as a poor substitute for conversation till I make it home next year.
This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to start a blog actually, but I always get stuck very quickly – usually trying to come up with a name for the damn thing :P
And why doesn’t this bloody thing have smileys? Who the hell doesn’t use smileys these days?
But I digress. The next challenge was coming up with something interesting to say, but this time I decided I’d stick to keeping a journal of sort, talk a little shit from time to time, & see if anything worthwhile pops up by accident along the way. I eventually realised that a blog doesn’t have to have a message, or say anything important – all it has to do is communicate, so that’s what I’m going to try to do with this over the next few months.
Unfortunately it’s hardly easy for me to get access to a net connection, so what I’m going to be doing is typing up blog entries in Word & I’ll post them whenever I get the chance to get onto the one PC on the base that has a net connection.
I can’t promise that this is going to be a particularly active, or even interesting blog, given how my days have gone so far – pretty much the same shit day in, day out – but I’ll try to come up with something on a regular basis.
Anyway, that’s all for now. I’ll type up some more in a few days & hopefully get it posted before I head off to the bushes next week.
About a year ago, while I was in the Congo, Shirley suggested I start a blog saying that it’s a good way to keep in touch with people when you don’t get the opportunity to speak with them frequently. I didn’t get around to it at the time, as I had pretty good comms with everyone I needed to, & I also couldn’t really think of anything meaningful to say either. The cyclical nature of life being what it is, I find myself once again a long way from home, from all things familiar & fond, from friends & family. This time I’m in Burundi, & I unfortunately don’t have the same access to communication that I did in the Congo last year, so blogging will have to stand as a poor substitute for conversation till I make it home next year.
This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to start a blog actually, but I always get stuck very quickly – usually trying to come up with a name for the damn thing :P
And why doesn’t this bloody thing have smileys? Who the hell doesn’t use smileys these days?
But I digress. The next challenge was coming up with something interesting to say, but this time I decided I’d stick to keeping a journal of sort, talk a little shit from time to time, & see if anything worthwhile pops up by accident along the way. I eventually realised that a blog doesn’t have to have a message, or say anything important – all it has to do is communicate, so that’s what I’m going to try to do with this over the next few months.
Unfortunately it’s hardly easy for me to get access to a net connection, so what I’m going to be doing is typing up blog entries in Word & I’ll post them whenever I get the chance to get onto the one PC on the base that has a net connection.
I can’t promise that this is going to be a particularly active, or even interesting blog, given how my days have gone so far – pretty much the same shit day in, day out – but I’ll try to come up with something on a regular basis.
Anyway, that’s all for now. I’ll type up some more in a few days & hopefully get it posted before I head off to the bushes next week.
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