“What tomorrow will bring….”

October 27^th 2005, 0630B

The ground here moves. Not all the time or even much, & not for long either, but at about 2300 last night there was a series of tremors. Small ones to be sure, but plenty big enough to wake me up with the thought that my tent was about to slide down the valley. Not a comfortable feeling I can assure you :P And it’s not the first time I’ve felt the ground shaking since I’ve been here, as the same happened on Tuesday evening too, though it wasn’t quite so pronounced. Like I say, it was only small tremors, not even enough to make the windows rattle, but given that there are a lot of dead Pakistanis who also felt a “small tremor” before that big bastard quake in Kashmir recently, it was still rather disconcerting. Then again, maybe I’m lucky & those rumblings I felt last night was Bujumbura disappearing into Lake Tanganyika – one can always hope I guess :P

Other than the restless ground around here, it’s quite a pleasant area now that I’ve had chance to see some of it. It’s still really overcast & rainy here, but that just means that it’s nice & cool, and there are also no mosquitoes. There’s also some really dramatic scenery around here – lots of tall forested hills & deep valleys – but I’ve not had chance to take many photos unfortunately. The times I’ve been out of the base I’ve been a passenger, & the guys aren’t too keen on stopping just so that I can take a few photos L And you can forget about taking photos from a moving vehicle on the roads around here – I’ve tried, & “with limited success” would be a very charitable description of the results. I managed to get a few of the local kids as they ran along behind the vehicle, but that’s about it unfortunately. Some of those came out well enough though, so it’s not all been wasted effort.

I’ve even had a little trauma work since I’ve been here, & ended up putting in a few stitches yesterday. One of the vehicles slipped off a small bridge & one of the troops in the back smashed his chin into something, earning himself a nice gash in the process. I’ve always prided myself of my “sewing” – when it comes to people, anyway lol – but I found out just how badly out of practice I am when I came to suture this guy up. I still managed to do a reasonable job of it, & the wound looks pretty good this morning now that the swelling has gone down, but I was nowhere near so confident I’d done an acceptable job at the time. These days I just don’t get the practice I need to stay sharp, & it’s worrying to realise just how rusty I am. I’d like to wish for more opportunities to practice, but when you consider that people need to be bleeding in order for me to get that practice, maybe it’s best I don’t.

When they’re not injuring themselves, the people I’m working here are a decent enough bunch. The company commander & sergeant major are quite pleasant & sociable – even if they are complete wussies when it comes to chilli :P – and the rest of the company that I’ve had anything to do with are also alright. I’d been a little worried about coming here at first, as some of the other medics who’ve worked with this particular company have had hassles, but so far I’ve not had any trouble. This company is rotating to Kabezi this Saturday though, & a new company will be coming in, so we’ll see how things go with the new guys. I don’t really anticipate any problems with them, but it can take a little while to get settled & comfortable when first working with a new unit – every infantry unit has its own little ways of doing things, & the same is also true of myself as a medic, so a little adjustment is often necessary :P

I really hope I don’t clash with the new company in the way I have with others during my career, because my sense of humour really isn’t up to putting up with shit right now. The work side of things hasn’t been bad at all since I got here, but the personal side has been more than a little rough. There’s nothing specific that’s happened to make it such a bad week, but it’s been real shitty all the same. Monday didn’t start off too bad at all, but I started to feel down in the evening. I didn’t pay much mind to it though, thinking I was just tired & ratty from the drive here, but I didn’t feel any better when I woke up on Tuesday, & my mood just got worse as the day went by. I’ve regained a few of the happy thoughts this morning, but Tuesday evening was pretty ugly & yesterday wasn’t much better. I’d like to blame the mefliam, and I’m sure that contributed, but I’m getting tired of using that excuse for feeling miserable. I imagine that this extension thing is probably getting me down more than I realise, though hopefully I should start getting properly used to the idea soon. I’m never going to be happy with being away from my friends & my life for over a year, but I’ll at least adapt to the situation soon. Getting confirmation as to whether I’ll be staying or not will go a long way towards helping in that regard, because the uncertainty just makes it far too easy to second-guess myself over the decision to apply for the extension. It’s a little hard to “hope for the best” when I genuinely can’t decide what I want. No, I know exactly what I want – to come home in February & never even think of Burundi ever again – but I also know that the extra money I’ll get from staying will take a lot of the pressure off me next year. There’s a lot to be said for taking strain from missing friends & home for the next ten months, rather than worrying how I’m going to pay my rent or even eat while I’m looking for work come September next year. I’ll only find out about the extension in a few weeks at best though, so I’m just going to have to grit my teeth till then.

What happens after I finally get home is also a major source of stress right now, because even if my contract is renewed next year I reckon I have at most another 5 years of service left in the military, at least in SA. Even that might be being overly optimistic. Returning to the UK and joining the police or army there – both are evidently very keen on recruiting ex-SA military right now, & citizenship is no problem for me – is an option, but it’s one I’d prefer not to exercise if I can avoid it. I’d far rather find another job at home, but that isn’t going to be easy at all, not with my limited skill set. The civvy medical services are an option, but the salaries are really crap, & while there is a certain specialised & well paying market for my other skills – the killing people part of my job description – I’m sure you can see where there might be a problem with that…

Studying is starting to sound like a very attractive proposition, ‘cause all I have is a shitty matric & a tertiary qualification will certainly open more doors for me than that ever will. If I’m going to be here for the extra 6 months I should be able to afford course fees at least, providing I can decide on what to study or even get into tech or varsity in the first place. How to pay the rent after I get that right is likely to be something of an issue though, because I’m not sure that the old student favourite of waitering will work out for me – you don’t see many over 30’s serving tables at the Mugg & Bean after all :P

I seriously need to win the fucking lottery, ‘cause about the only other option that springs readily to mind is “man whore”, & I have serious reservations about that one after watching just the trailer for “Deuce Bigallo” lol

Anyway, I’m going to wrap this up for now. I may have whined through a fair part of it, but my sense of humour is somewhat better for it, so hopefully I’ll come up with something a little more cheerful next time.

Ciao till then though ;)